Wednesday, July 20, 2005

fantastic beyond fantastic quotes

  • all columnists should be beaten to a pulp and converted back into paper"
  • 20th centrury? i could pick a century out of a hat, blindfolded, and get a better one
  • its a charmed life, innocence wild, crayola skies for a thousand miles"
  • a bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down....and won
  • moderate strength is shown in violence, supreme strength is shown in levity
  • Label jars, not people
  • Koo Koo Kachoo
  • We are everyday angels
  • "Sic semper tyrannus."(Your dinosaur is ill.)
  • Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.
  • Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together
  • Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity!
  • Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
  • The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
  • Boldly Going Nowhere.
  • I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
  • Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
  • I am the walrus
  • It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it
  • I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
  • If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
  • Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  • When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
  • It's only unethical if you get caught.
  • It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
  • I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected
  • Welcome To Shit Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!
  • Remember, double negatives are a complete no-no
  • Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
  • Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
  • Fashion tip #56: never wear anything that panics the cat
  • Education-the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty

1 Comments:

Blogger Mephistopheles said...

I would like to throw an egg into an electric fan.

Jesus doesn't love you, he's just using you for the sex.

Women! Can't live with 'em ...

Can't talk, see flanders, later sex.

If you can't beat 'em... the whorehouse isn't worth your precious time.

11:22 pm  

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