good evening any who actually read this damn thing.
have you ever had the feeling that you've said too much. its that sinking feeling you get right after someone has told you to shut up, and you realize that what you have been saying has not only been boring and self centred, but also incredibly hurtful, insensitive and tactless. also talking wantonly about your percieved problems is a great way to let things slip that you never intended. and then that deadly feeling, 'im boring' and as much as you may have known it before it really comes and hits home at that moment, no matter how confident you thought you were. and much as you feel like a fool theres really nothing you can say. by apologising you seem only more of the very thing you fear. your teenaged insecurities begin to play on your mind, and then, if you dont stop and pull your mind away, it all comes crashing down, every little thing youve said or done in the past week that has made you look like an idiot and you have singularly failed to care about. there is nothing like the genuine boredom or discomfort of another person to really tear you down. and when you do tell them something that hurts, offends or is purely unnecessary to that person, you feel so unnecessary yourself. particularly when that truth insights contempt or a lowering of opinion, it really becomes too much to bear. and while this may seem to many to be the rantings of a confused and insecure teenage girl, and that may be, nobody likes to be undermined by their own sense of self-disappointment and embarrassment