the giggle-loop

hello everybody,
i've come, perhaps to ruin your lives, in a surprising way. normally if i should want to ruin your lives i should simpy hang around for an extended period of time and wait for you to kill yourself, but this way i can ruin many at a time, so it has come to be my preference

the giggle-loop has gone a fair way to ruining my life, and my sense of self resect. to know the giggle-loop is to be a part of the giggle-loop. this term refers to that feeling, you know the one i mean, when youre at a terrifically event, such as a funeral, and you are taken by a sudden desire to giggle. as you supress the giggle rises in your chest, growing and growing, until finally its almost choking you. you try coughing it out, but somehow it just doesnt work, and in the end you either burst out laughing, or just plain burst. its like a donkey sitting on your throat.

i found that before my knowledge of the giggle loop, i found it pretty easy to keep in, but after...... it has been a sad affliction to many, but bravely bourne, as bourne it must be my you all now, my dear friends. i'm sorry to do this horrible thing to you, but i was bored.

my explaination really has not done the damn thing justice, so for further information on the giggle-loop (or the giggle-stack as it is sometimes, incorrectly, known) see the amazingly amusing BBC series Coupling. to see Coupling, see Cait.
peace out
toodlepip
rani

charming people

ok, for the record, i hate charming people. not just the mildly charming, i can deal with them ok, but the amazingly, mindblowing, lay it on with a trowel charming people. those people you can see, not even have to talk to, in a supermarket or equally innocuous place, and suddenly drop 20IQ points and lose the ability to breathe. you know the ones i mean. those people with whom the whole world falls down and you become a tongue tied ignoramous. when i say i hate them, i mean that i hate the way i become around the supremely charming, as its impossible to hate the people themselves, simply because theyre so damn charming.

having said this, i intend to become one of them. one of those people around whom others splutter and choke and make themselves look total fools. this is my goal, just to increase my already existing fabulousness by a few notches, shouldnt be too hard. i'll let you all know when it happens.
toodlepip
rani

like a version

unquestionably the greatest cd ive heard of late. everybody needs to see it.

pay particular attention when (notice i did not say 'if') to the pictures version of milkshake, little suicides, tyrone, illegal smile and dont stop. rather good. oh, and also there is a light that never goes out. but before you listen to that check out the old one by the smiths, the badness of the old accentuates the genius of the new.

life is beautiful

last days

you know, the odd thing about all these lasts is how they creep up on you. i can imagine it'd be a little like that on death row. you know, youre sitting around waiting, kinda hoping there'll be some sort of miracle, or that walt disney'll show up and get you out with one quick song-n-dance extravaganza, then all of a sudden youre on your last meal, last sleep, last breath, and so on. for us its our last house meeting, last week, last holidays, last time in winter uniform. it creeps over you as a nostalgic, melancholic mist that you cant escape from.

you sit in chapel and for the first time in years your not thinking about the next time you'll have to be there. youre not falling asleep to the sound of father p chanting while performing a reiki healing and walking over a bed of coals/nails. the smell of limestone is no longer just making the room seem colder, and for maybe the first time you really notice how beautiful the place is. and how calm. i went down the other day and wrote for the last, and the first time in that book of prayers they have by the alter. it felt kinda fitting, almost a symbollic apology for all these years of refusing to say the grace, or the times ive skipped chapel. all i wrote was, 'pray for me'. it was such a very melodramatic thing to write, but somehow, it did feel right.

i have my last locker inspection on wednesday. which means tomorrow is the last time ill have to wade in to that endless black hole of scrunched notes and broken pencils and dust and such. the last time i have to sneak into the library to return the mountains of books i find within my locker.

and whats after that? my last st hildas day, my last set of school exams, my last speech night. last last last. and it seems that only now in this universe of finality i'm beginning to see how much i will truly miss it all. theres a certain irony in that i think.

but with that feeling comes the feverishly intense desire to seize the day. this spirit of carpe diem comes as a welcome refreshment from the teenage apathy so often surrounding and engulfing, shows the desire to be oneself, rather than simply looking like it. while i was sitting in that cool, calm building that is sthildas chapel, i was thinking more deeply than ever i normally would about certain lines in certain poems. one struck me as not only beautiful, but relevant;

thus, though we cannot make our sun

stand still, yet we will make him run

the metaphysicals may not have had alot that we do nowadays, but they sure as hell knew how to phrase things.

and with that i think i shall go and study for those impending last exams, and enjoy it too, for the first time. i'll go and make use of these last hours, in the last days.
wish me luck,
rani

updates

this is an update. i dont know why especially, but it feels like one.

so, exams are back, permit me to go out and kill myself. i wont bore you with scores, but suffice it to say that i did well in the one subject i cant count, well in two that i can, okayish in another count-y subject and discrete makes me want to die. in other news, i hate school.

the only thing currently giving me the will to live is my impending leavers-related trip to singapore. that and pearl jam. thats right, SINGAPORE! oh how i love my life!

in fact, here are all the reasons why my life is awesome:
1) in just under 3weeks TEE will be over

2) in just under 3 weeks i can stop dressing like madeline

3) in just over 5 weeks im going to singapore with 3 of my best and closest friends

4) its almost beach weather

5) R.E.M. - their existence in general

6) i have the rest of my life to do exactly what i please

7) i never again have to wear PE uniform, or a hair ribbon, or go to church

8) my room is clean

9) i just generally rock

10) darias back on TV - new series, YAY!

11) thursday night TV (ABC only)

12) the white stripes

13) sleep

14) my kitty cat

15) life in general - its pretty good when you think about it

16) endless holiday time to write and play

17) other things....lots of them....have to go to class though

and since i havent given you all a bumper sticker in some time, here you go

study hard all of you.

toodlepip

rani

oh for gods sake, grow up!

that pretty much covers my entire emotion towards the pettiness of post exam crying. blahness! they suck and i would kill them all if it were not illegal.

also, bob the builder and mephistopheles, stop teasing, its not nice! really really.

thats pretty much all that needed to be said, in fact, i was only really posting to create a new forum for comment, the previous one being pretty full.
so, with that done, i shall leave you, my popkins, my dearly beloved readership, to your own, petty, ignoble lives.

peace and love
rani

disgruntled postage

i would like to make it known that i am posting under protest. i do not post when ordered, not even when ordered by those who beleive they are god. the person im referring to knows who he is....... grrrrrrr.....

in other news, i found '40s porn on my computer the other day. dont quite know how it got there, but its there. just opened a file deep within my rabbit warren of files that is My Documents labelled innocently enough 'so hilarious, a 40s classic'. perfectly innocuous name, didnt remember saving anything as that though. was quite amusing i have to say. completely dispensed with the whole idea of a storyline, however weak, just involved a picnic...............im not gonna go any further and for the sake of delicacy move on rapidly. except to say it makes use very amusingly of early merry-go-round music.

anyhow, like i said, moving on. i should say at this point i have spent the entirity of today revising math. or more correctly, sleeping on th desk and waking up whenever mum comes in to see if im working. this is somewhat disturbing considering that this is the last day i get to study before my exam on friday due to this odd share options course mum is putting me through tomorrow in the hope that i will become a finance wizz and retire at 25. this is seriously doubt, though it would be nice. on the down side of this however, i have realized that it will take a small miracle for this to come off and for me to actually do well enough for this exam. english and lit are on monday, both of which i plan to wing, and considering i apparently have to do both simultaneously im in trouble whatever i do. then history on wednesday, bah, itll be fine, the less you know the more 'analytical' you can be, and politics on friday, well, lets just say im screwed. that being the case, i must go and study further. i do love to procrastinate in this way though. maybe i'll just call it quits for the day and go torture myself at the gym.
all you with exams, goodluck, all those without, i hope you die from too much sleep and fun. die horribly.
toodlepip my sweetlings
rani
toodlepip